You are what you eat. So I hear.
What does that even mean?
Basically, if you eat crap, your crap will be pretty crappy.
What you eat gets digested one way or another as it’s traveling through your body, and then it comes out, and how it comes out can tell you quite a bit.
Bottom line, let’s talk poop (mainly because I like typing poop as part of my occupation).
Some of you might not care what explodes from your nether regions, but the rest of us might, especially when we think of the coworker who’s sitting in the stall next to us.
This isn’t really a mystery to us. I’m pretty sure you’re aware of what will happen if you eat 24 hot wings and a bowl of fries, all washed down with a few cans of PBR.
What does your poop tell you? It tells you a lot.
There’s this film The Road to Wellville. It tells the story of John Harvey Kellogg who believed that we should eat a high fiber diet—a diet consisting basically of his cereal. There’s a moment in the film where John Harvey, played by Anthony Hopkins says, “My stool smells no more than a hot piston!” A proud proclamation, indeed.
That scene has stuck with me. I’m not sure why, but I bet it has something to do with the fact that Kellogg is talking about poop.
This stool thing. It’s perplexed humans for generations (except Kim Jong Un, who apparently does not defecate).
How do we get that bowel movement to be as clean and quick as can be? (#3 and 4 on the chart)
No doubt, Kellogg’s diet will do the trick, but it will also keep you from obtaining necessary nutrients, not to mention, it’ll be as boring as watching golf reruns.
For a good poop, eat a good mix of whole foods, especially leafy greens, and drink plenty of water. Here are some ideas.
Unfortunately, a lot of our Standard American Diet (SAD) creates a crap cocktail that is smelly and messy.
No doubt, you’ll be tempted to eat the sriracha salsa shrimp in the future, and you should feel free to go for it, knowing that it’ll go through your intestine engaged in an eternal string of explosions.
However, you can decrease the punishment you inflict on your body and toilet (and coworkers) by surrounding your crazy food intake with some calming whole food meals. If you know dinner is going to include some fried chicken and hot sauce, then eat a simple, yet tasty, rice and bean mixture, and eat some oatmeal for breakfast.
Want something sweet that’ll help your poop? Try some dates, or blend the dates up with some chickpeas for a sweet dip.
Or how about some tummy tonic, like sauerkraut. Those fermented foods contain probiotics that aid digestion.
Leafy greens, like my favorite kale, help your stomach problems, while also strengthening your overall immune system.
Finally, water. Drink this stuff with your beer. Not only will it help you stay hydrated, but it’ll help you extract the beer later.
The right foods won’t just help the mess you make, but it’ll be easier for you to flush out some impurities and extra weight.